ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
