half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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