Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Is Oprah even human
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize