Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
