Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
