i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
