I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
