If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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