We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
