She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
