Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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