I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
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He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
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If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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