Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
