Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
