took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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