I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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