My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
