They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
