Just cropdusted the office
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
