guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
