just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
