Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i need an iv and a liver transplant
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
