at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I deserve this hangover.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
