i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
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