so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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