My underwear smells like fireworks.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you traded sex for a burrito?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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