I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
