So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
