I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
