My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
