is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
