Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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