Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I AM VODKA MAN
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
