either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
