He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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