I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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