sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
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