Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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