I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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