You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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