we have pet lesbian snakes
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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