glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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