I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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