Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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