I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
