When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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