Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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