Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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