As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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