i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Your cock deserves a montage
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
