so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
