why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
