Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
How does one acquire holy water?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
