Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
