There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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