i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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