If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
