Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
