if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
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If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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