i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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