marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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