I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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