The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
