I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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