I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
