I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
