No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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