Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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