"it" just moved
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he was CRYING into my vagina
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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