my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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