oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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