worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
