as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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