Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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