Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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