you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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