Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
