so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
