Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
