this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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