Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
