My underwear smells like fireworks.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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